Hello Child Molesters!

Guys who sell their children on eBay, Craigslist prostitutes, moms on Facebook, and I'm pretty sure  those are the only people who still use the Internet.  This is my internet platform where I am hoping to gain the attention I pathologically seek due to some void in my childhood, also a boyfriend would be nice.

I am a journalism student at Northwestern University, I eat emotionally, and pick the polish off my nails  2 hours after I paint them. For these reasons and more, it's clear I will be single and homeless for the rest of my natural born life. You can find me typing this blog 20 years from now in a cardboard box with 10 cats all named after characters from Star Wars. My favorite will be a tabby named Jabba.

If you are going to continue to read the things I write about ( I'm going to be honest, just stop now.  It's going to get depressing) you should know I have a few very apparent biases. You were warned.


Biases

I am biased towards blonde females. Let's be honest ladies, there's a war going on and we're winning. Male humans just have a thing about blondes. They definitely don't respect us as much, but I'm pretty sure I could put on 300 pounds and as long as I still had light blonde hair/ accessible genitalia a male would want to have the intercourse with me. I think it has something to do with porn, or Marilyn Monroe ?  I'll get back to you.

I am biased towards the Midwest/ Chicago. I'm sorry I'm not from California and was not birthed underwater while growing up on a steady diet of quinoa and kale, but I'm still hip. I'm sorry I'm not from the East Coast, and didn't go to prep school while simultaneously being groomed for a career in finance/ dousche- baggery.  I still think Ugg boots are stylish, my favorite food group is porkchops, Disney World is an exotic tropical escape, and I crushed it in teenage beauty pageants.

I am biased towards 30 Rock, Tina Fey, SNL, Amy Poehler, Mindy Kahling, Rachel Dratch, and basically anyone who is funny, but still smart enough to write a book.  I would totally go lesbian for Tina Fey. As long as I never actually had to do anything lesbian, and we just got to hang out like pals until I died from a cat eating my face.

I am biased towards cats. Cat memes, cat .gifs, cat sweaters, clothes made for cats, posters featuring cats etc.

I am biased towards nerdy pre-pubescent boy things. Star Wars, Marvel superheroes, roller coasters, Batman, Nerf guns, Indiana Jones, Men in Black, Mario Kart, and football. Clearly originating from another void in my childhood.Seeking male relatives approval?

I am biased towards drinking, dancing and having fun with friends. I think Yeah! by Usher is the song of our generation. Dynamite by Taio Cruz is a close second .

I am biased towards horrible music.

I am biased towards sororities, Benefit cosmetics, and Panera Bread.

There's probably 123,969 more, but you're just going to have to figure that out on your own and be offended.