Words from the Artist Barbie

This summer I am living with an artist Barbie. She is an art major at Northwestern who is really cool and hip. She has edgy tattoos, goes to crazy DJ/ dubstep concerts that give me anxiety attacks, shaves half her head, and pulls off those hipster mom jeans that are "in" now. Oh , and she looks like a Barbie (by comparison I am more of a Kelly, or whichever one is an obnoxious toddler who likes gymnastics).

 

Me and my roomie getting sexy on Halloween. Boys love my body in the pumpkin suit. 

You may wonder why we are best friends, because I would look like a burn victim with half my head shaved and I will proudly admit my favorite concert is a deadlocked tie between the Spice Girls and the Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveSounds tour. I will solve this mystery here and now. We are friends because we have a very similar sense of humor.

To prove this , here are a list of things she has said to me all in natural conversation. I will provide no hint as to what we were discussing.  If I've learned anything from Medill, it's that quotes are much more memorable when taken completely out of context.

"YOU are the homeless man of nail lacquer."

"I will rub my hippie diseases all over you, and there's nothing you can do."

"Sometimes I wonder, will anyone ever love me ever again in my life?"

"Be a slut and maybe people will like you,  probably not though."

"Stop. Don't question me. Don't look me in the eye. I just need a good skirt."

"But really is anyone that into a dick pic? Do guys think we like that?  Like who loves a solid dick pic?!"

"I just wanna get married so hard."

"I wonder if the city of Chicago ever gets tired of seeing me naked."

"But also, Maggie Gyllenhaal?? She looks like a pug."


"All men are douchebags forever. All we need to do is to invent a way to make two eggs into a baby, then we won't need them. And then everyone in the world would be so sensitive and kind , but then everyone would also be really bad at science and math."

"It's not about the fact that you want to watch Birdemic , it's that you need to see it to understand what Birdemic is."

"Sometimes I am out at events and it just gets boring talking to people. At that point I'm just like, 'We should probably make out now'. Sometimes I just do it just so their mouth stops talking to me."

"Ex -boyfriends. Just weird. Weird forever. Sometimes it's less weird, but then it's still weird."



I know you all are probably still trying to grasp at the depth and complexity of these quotes. Some of these are filled to the brim with Artist Barbie metaphors. Like when she talks about the city of Chicago seeing her naked, it's not about eating Nutella in a towel. No, its about the transparency of our generation's sexuality and our culture's need to end teen pregnancy.

Soak up the profound words of the Artist Barbie. Go get your eat, pray, love on. And by that I mean go to Portillo's and then hook up with a foreign dude.  Namaste.