But not about the whole teenage marriage thing. I can't wait to see that backwoods- but -with -Disney-money wedding celebration. Between her hillbilly clan grinding to "Achy Breaky Heart' and Hemsworth's muscular, Australian stoner family, this thing will be oozing Cyrus class.
But Miley Ray did really hit the nail on the head with one of her earlier tween jams. No, it's not the spine-tingling ballad to Nick Jonas, "7 Things". I'm talking about her well constructed female anthem, G.N.O. Here's a sample of the lyrics:
"Don't call me
Leave me alone
Not gonna answer my phone
Cause I don't
No I won't see you"
"Cause it's a girl's night
It's alright without you
I'm gonna stay out
And play out without you
You better hold tight
This girl's night is without you"
I like that Ms. Cyrus gets right to the heart of the issue. Girls coordinate their lives around guys who wouldn't even notice if they got both their nipples pierced. Girls go out with their friends to prove they don't need you. They get dressed up and Instagram themselves at bars so you dudes get your proverbial shit together and pay attention to them. Or they go out and black out so they can forget that you responded to their last text with "K sounds good". The only reason most girl's nights exist is male gender screwed up in some way. Nonetheless, girl's night are often my favorite nights for just that reason.
Most girls are different when they aren't around guys. At parties with males around, girls are often trying to impress a some loser in the room, or they are stalking the guy they are obsessed with on Facebook for iPhone.
This is why I love the girl's night. I love when my crazy friends steal my phone for the evening (until I get so drunk I bite their hands while they're sleeping to get it back), so I'm not staring at it all night waiting for Chris Noth to somehow get my number and sext me. Hanging out with just girls is often hilarious. Whether it's getting inappropriately drunk in a suburban basement while wearing yoga pants , or going to a bar on a Wednesday with 20 girls you've never met before. Girls are funnier without guys around, and way more likely to tell stories about hooking up in a movie theater during "Step Up 2: The Streets" when playing Never Have I Ever.
However, the G.N.O is not to be taken lightly. When you take all that estrogen, put it in a Forever 21 tube skirt, and pour tequila down its throat, you run the risk of creating a monster with running mascara. You can end up playing slap cup in basement for two hours until you begin debating the diversity of the American Girl dolls. Or you can end up performing Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA" karaoke in a crowded bar, then watching your friend make out with an Irish dude , and inexplicably losing some of your entourage to the emergency room.
However, girls and guys aren't that different. When we are alone we talk about all the same things: sex, alcohol, and "The Dark Knight Rises". We don't sit on the beach discussing wedding dresses or chihuahua outfits. Just like how you all are fascinated with how our boobs look in swimsuit tops, we're discussing your muscle definition and how weird your body looks playing beach volleyball (Ade).
Sadly, there really is no male equivalent to the girl's night out. Unfortunately, it's socially unacceptable for men to go out in packs, dance in tight circles, and talk about how much they hate the opposite sex for 4 hours straight. It really is a shame, because whenever I'm feeling down the G.N.O really restores my faith in humanity. It's there to remind us that no matter what happens, you don't need men to have a good time, and it's possible to finish a bottle of Jose in under 10 minutes. I will take the ability to have a girl's night out as a repayment for the fact women still make 80 cents to the male dollar. We may be the victim of inequality, but at least we can get dressed up, drink pink drinks with weird names, and jump around in circle after we beg an innocent DJ to play Madonna. Preach Madame Cyrus-Hemsworth, preach.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Look at How Important I Am
Big news today nerds ! This blog has over 2000 views, proving yet again that there is no quality summertime television. If new episodes of "Revenge" were on right now, no one would read a thing I had to say (unless I wrote snarky recaps of the show "Revenge").
Also, you may notice the new giant picture of my round face at the top of this blog. That is there because I needed to prove to a few people I wasn't a 60-year-old closeted gay from Alaska.
Shout- out to Joy Kaminski of Finding Joy Photography for making me look attractive. Joliet tweens, go get your senior pictures taken by her. She can make a muffin top disappear .
Also, you may notice the new giant picture of my round face at the top of this blog. That is there because I needed to prove to a few people I wasn't a 60-year-old closeted gay from Alaska.
Shout- out to Joy Kaminski of Finding Joy Photography for making me look attractive. Joliet tweens, go get your senior pictures taken by her. She can make a muffin top disappear .
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Words from the Artist Barbie
This summer I am living with an artist Barbie. She is an art major at Northwestern who is really cool and hip. She has edgy tattoos, goes to crazy DJ/ dubstep concerts that give me anxiety attacks, shaves half her head, and pulls off those hipster mom jeans that are "in" now. Oh , and she looks like a Barbie (by comparison I am more of a Kelly, or whichever one is an obnoxious toddler who likes gymnastics).
You may wonder why we are best friends, because I would look like a burn victim with half my head shaved and I will proudly admit my favorite concert is a deadlocked tie between the Spice Girls and the Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveSounds tour. I will solve this mystery here and now. We are friends because we have a very similar sense of humor.
To prove this , here are a list of things she has said to me all in natural conversation. I will provide no hint as to what we were discussing. If I've learned anything from Medill, it's that quotes are much more memorable when taken completely out of context.
"YOU are the homeless man of nail lacquer."
"I will rub my hippie diseases all over you, and there's nothing you can do."
"Sometimes I wonder, will anyone ever love me ever again in my life?"
"Be a slut and maybe people will like you, probably not though."
"Stop. Don't question me. Don't look me in the eye. I just need a good skirt."
"But really is anyone that into a dick pic? Do guys think we like that? Like who loves a solid dick pic?!"
"I just wanna get married so hard."
"I wonder if the city of Chicago ever gets tired of seeing me naked."
"But also, Maggie Gyllenhaal?? She looks like a pug."
"All men are douchebags forever. All we need to do is to invent a way to make two eggs into a baby, then we won't need them. And then everyone in the world would be so sensitive and kind , but then everyone would also be really bad at science and math."
"It's not about the fact that you want to watch Birdemic , it's that you need to see it to understand what Birdemic is."
"Sometimes I am out at events and it just gets boring talking to people. At that point I'm just like, 'We should probably make out now'. Sometimes I just do it just so their mouth stops talking to me."
"Ex -boyfriends. Just weird. Weird forever. Sometimes it's less weird, but then it's still weird."
I know you all are probably still trying to grasp at the depth and complexity of these quotes. Some of these are filled to the brim with Artist Barbie metaphors. Like when she talks about the city of Chicago seeing her naked, it's not about eating Nutella in a towel. No, its about the transparency of our generation's sexuality and our culture's need to end teen pregnancy.
Soak up the profound words of the Artist Barbie. Go get your eat, pray, love on. And by that I mean go to Portillo's and then hook up with a foreign dude. Namaste.
Me and my roomie getting sexy on Halloween. Boys love my body in the pumpkin suit.
You may wonder why we are best friends, because I would look like a burn victim with half my head shaved and I will proudly admit my favorite concert is a deadlocked tie between the Spice Girls and the Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveSounds tour. I will solve this mystery here and now. We are friends because we have a very similar sense of humor.
To prove this , here are a list of things she has said to me all in natural conversation. I will provide no hint as to what we were discussing. If I've learned anything from Medill, it's that quotes are much more memorable when taken completely out of context.
"YOU are the homeless man of nail lacquer."
"I will rub my hippie diseases all over you, and there's nothing you can do."
"Sometimes I wonder, will anyone ever love me ever again in my life?"
"Be a slut and maybe people will like you, probably not though."
"Stop. Don't question me. Don't look me in the eye. I just need a good skirt."
"But really is anyone that into a dick pic? Do guys think we like that? Like who loves a solid dick pic?!"
"I just wanna get married so hard."
"I wonder if the city of Chicago ever gets tired of seeing me naked."
"But also, Maggie Gyllenhaal?? She looks like a pug."
"All men are douchebags forever. All we need to do is to invent a way to make two eggs into a baby, then we won't need them. And then everyone in the world would be so sensitive and kind , but then everyone would also be really bad at science and math."
"It's not about the fact that you want to watch Birdemic , it's that you need to see it to understand what Birdemic is."
"Sometimes I am out at events and it just gets boring talking to people. At that point I'm just like, 'We should probably make out now'. Sometimes I just do it just so their mouth stops talking to me."
"Ex -boyfriends. Just weird. Weird forever. Sometimes it's less weird, but then it's still weird."
I know you all are probably still trying to grasp at the depth and complexity of these quotes. Some of these are filled to the brim with Artist Barbie metaphors. Like when she talks about the city of Chicago seeing her naked, it's not about eating Nutella in a towel. No, its about the transparency of our generation's sexuality and our culture's need to end teen pregnancy.
Soak up the profound words of the Artist Barbie. Go get your eat, pray, love on. And by that I mean go to Portillo's and then hook up with a foreign dude. Namaste.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
" I curse the day you were born"
And other ridiculously good moments that make the Sex and the City movie worth watching alone past 1 a.m. Judge me if you will film hipsters, but SATC is one of my favorite movies of all time. I would call it a guilty pleasure, but I have no shame. I'm guessing the only people that strongly disagree with me are straight men or the aforementioned film student who only watches a movie if it has subtitles or a lesbian sex scene ( And if you are in one of these two categories, why are you following this blog anyway? It's pink with kittens all over it).
Anyway, Sex and the City is one of my favorite television shows/movies of all time for the the following reasons: the clothes, the writing, the acting so good you actually think Kim Catrall and SJP like each other, New York, and the fact that it's one thing almost anyone with a female reproductive system can relate to. Every girl has their favorite character, and will judged accordingly when they admit who it is . (If you say Samantha, everyone will think you have an STD).
Honestly, I wish I was a Carrie, because I want to be a fabulous writer who believes in love and lands Mr. Big, But realistically, I am a Miranda. I am cynical, witty, mean to men, and smarter than your average bear. I'm sensible and I think all my friends are stupid for having feelings.Whatever, Mirandas of the world could take over the planet, while the Carries are too busy crying into flan because their boyfriend just got caller ID (90s girl problems).
But back to my main point, I've watched the Sex and the City movie an obscene amount of times this summer. Mainly because I'm lonely, and I watch a lot of E! in the middle of the day. And now, because I have nothing better to do because DIRECTV is currently in a dispute with Comedy Central and MTV, I'm going to list the best moments of the movie so bad it's good, Sex and the City: The Movie.
7. The Opening Credits
This is it. It's starting. It gave me the same feeling yesterday when I watched it alone in my bed, as it did at the theater when I was a freshman in high school. I went with three of my best friends and my mom, because we were only 15 and it was rated R. I had been watching Sex and the City since I was ten. Don't judge, I have a progressive mother who wanted a girlfriend to watch it with, and taught me it was okay because 40-year-old women can do whatever they want. ( She made me leave the room and cover my ears during the sex scenes. See, parenting did occur).
The opening credits are great because they let you know your about to watch the characters you love run around NYC with their boobs out yet again. The credits are perfect because it's Fergie singing over the original theme, because it perfectly sums up the entire series in two minutes, and you see SJP for the first time. It's perfect because she's wearing a white cocktail dress with a giant hibiscus on it in the middle of the day, and no one questions it.
6. The New Year's Eve Montage
This would've ranked way higher up on the list, if they hadn't included the ridiculous shots of Samantha and Smith wearing matching black, sequined robes (They look like strippers backstage before their first time on the pole). I love this because I love the song it's set to, I love seeing Big eat dinner alone, and I love what it's about. This scene is about the fact that the real friends are the people who know when you're more upset than you want to admit (because you're a Miranda and too proud), will get out of bed for you, and then run across Manhattan in a sparkly hat so you don't have to eat Chinese food alone.
5. The Closet- Cleaning -Champagne-Induced- Fashion Show
By far one of the cheesiest parts of the movie, and by that I mean one of the best. This movie is, at its core, the definition of a chick film, and what woman does not drool over the try-on-a-bunch- of-crazy-outfits-while- catchy-tune-plays scene? I die over this scene because it is one of the times where I totally forget they are actors, and I think they are just bunch of best friends getting hammered in the middle of the day. It's just so fun, you can't hate it if you try. And don't lie , when she comes out in the original pink ballerina dress, you die a little bit inside (also, there's a naked baby).
4. Samantha's Rally
A lot of people hate on Samantha, they say she's too old, everything she says relates to penis, etc. But right after the infamous wedding meltdown, we are reminded of what Samantha is truly there for, the rally. Whether it's making them go eat raw food or go to nightclub where you sit in beds, Samantha has always been there to make the other biddies actually do cool things. Everyone has an exhausting friend like this, but this friend is also exceptionally good at coming to the rescue. The minute Carrie's life implodes, Samantha Jones is on the phone and getting shit done. She books them all on Carrie's honeymoon, convinces the boring moms to go, and then spoon feeds a comatose Carrie some oatmeal-ish material. Then she makes that pathetic rag doll get out of bed and drink margaritas. Let's face it, without Samantha ,Carrie would've drank herself to death, Charlotte would stare at her kids all day, and Miranda would eat pizza and drink beer alone in Brooklyn.
3. The Foam
Only true Miranda fans really appreciate this scene. Because only true Miranda fans understand how hard it is to not do the logical thing. If your husband cheats on you, you end it. There's no gray area with Miranda, and love has nothing to do with it. Her friends see that she's being too harsh and still loves him, but they are scared of getting their head bitten off by the scary ginger lawyer. I'm going to get all film student on you now, and say that's hard to film someone accessing their emotions. It's hard to show why two people are perfect for each other , and why someone loves someone without the character saying " I love you because...". The espresso foam on the lip clearly shows why Miranda needs Steve. She needs him to make her lighten up, and to tell her she has goddamn foam on her lip.
2. The One Way Street
This one doesn't need much explaining. Big deciding he needs to turn around. SJP in a Vivienne Westwood bridal gown, going all Elin Nordegren on Big with a bouquet instead of a golf club. Not to mention Charlotte delivers the best movie "No!" I've ever heard. You can always count on protective, neurotic Charlotte to be a total spaz in the middle of a street.
1. Brunch
I could watch these bitches have brunch and make bad puns all day. I could watch these bitches have brunch until Carrie needs an oxygen tank and Samantha is in a wheelchair because of a latent sex injury. It is just so cheesily perfect that Carrie has a brunch reception, it makes me want to die a happy woman. After marrying Big the way she should have in the first place, he invites her friends, (because he was engineered in a lab to be the world's most perfect man) and they have a low-key reception at a breakfast place. And they're all together in the city , and everything is just as sexy as it was in the very first season. (Insert Carrie column-ending pun here)
Anyway, Sex and the City is one of my favorite television shows/movies of all time for the the following reasons: the clothes, the writing, the acting so good you actually think Kim Catrall and SJP like each other, New York, and the fact that it's one thing almost anyone with a female reproductive system can relate to. Every girl has their favorite character, and will judged accordingly when they admit who it is . (If you say Samantha, everyone will think you have an STD).
Honestly, I wish I was a Carrie, because I want to be a fabulous writer who believes in love and lands Mr. Big, But realistically, I am a Miranda. I am cynical, witty, mean to men, and smarter than your average bear. I'm sensible and I think all my friends are stupid for having feelings.Whatever, Mirandas of the world could take over the planet, while the Carries are too busy crying into flan because their boyfriend just got caller ID (90s girl problems).
But back to my main point, I've watched the Sex and the City movie an obscene amount of times this summer. Mainly because I'm lonely, and I watch a lot of E! in the middle of the day. And now, because I have nothing better to do because DIRECTV is currently in a dispute with Comedy Central and MTV, I'm going to list the best moments of the movie so bad it's good, Sex and the City: The Movie.
7. The Opening Credits
This is it. It's starting. It gave me the same feeling yesterday when I watched it alone in my bed, as it did at the theater when I was a freshman in high school. I went with three of my best friends and my mom, because we were only 15 and it was rated R. I had been watching Sex and the City since I was ten. Don't judge, I have a progressive mother who wanted a girlfriend to watch it with, and taught me it was okay because 40-year-old women can do whatever they want. ( She made me leave the room and cover my ears during the sex scenes. See, parenting did occur).
The opening credits are great because they let you know your about to watch the characters you love run around NYC with their boobs out yet again. The credits are perfect because it's Fergie singing over the original theme, because it perfectly sums up the entire series in two minutes, and you see SJP for the first time. It's perfect because she's wearing a white cocktail dress with a giant hibiscus on it in the middle of the day, and no one questions it.
6. The New Year's Eve Montage
This would've ranked way higher up on the list, if they hadn't included the ridiculous shots of Samantha and Smith wearing matching black, sequined robes (They look like strippers backstage before their first time on the pole). I love this because I love the song it's set to, I love seeing Big eat dinner alone, and I love what it's about. This scene is about the fact that the real friends are the people who know when you're more upset than you want to admit (because you're a Miranda and too proud), will get out of bed for you, and then run across Manhattan in a sparkly hat so you don't have to eat Chinese food alone.
5. The Closet- Cleaning -Champagne-Induced- Fashion Show
By far one of the cheesiest parts of the movie, and by that I mean one of the best. This movie is, at its core, the definition of a chick film, and what woman does not drool over the try-on-a-bunch- of-crazy-outfits-while- catchy-tune-plays scene? I die over this scene because it is one of the times where I totally forget they are actors, and I think they are just bunch of best friends getting hammered in the middle of the day. It's just so fun, you can't hate it if you try. And don't lie , when she comes out in the original pink ballerina dress, you die a little bit inside (also, there's a naked baby).
4. Samantha's Rally
A lot of people hate on Samantha, they say she's too old, everything she says relates to penis, etc. But right after the infamous wedding meltdown, we are reminded of what Samantha is truly there for, the rally. Whether it's making them go eat raw food or go to nightclub where you sit in beds, Samantha has always been there to make the other biddies actually do cool things. Everyone has an exhausting friend like this, but this friend is also exceptionally good at coming to the rescue. The minute Carrie's life implodes, Samantha Jones is on the phone and getting shit done. She books them all on Carrie's honeymoon, convinces the boring moms to go, and then spoon feeds a comatose Carrie some oatmeal-ish material. Then she makes that pathetic rag doll get out of bed and drink margaritas. Let's face it, without Samantha ,Carrie would've drank herself to death, Charlotte would stare at her kids all day, and Miranda would eat pizza and drink beer alone in Brooklyn.
3. The Foam
Only true Miranda fans really appreciate this scene. Because only true Miranda fans understand how hard it is to not do the logical thing. If your husband cheats on you, you end it. There's no gray area with Miranda, and love has nothing to do with it. Her friends see that she's being too harsh and still loves him, but they are scared of getting their head bitten off by the scary ginger lawyer. I'm going to get all film student on you now, and say that's hard to film someone accessing their emotions. It's hard to show why two people are perfect for each other , and why someone loves someone without the character saying " I love you because...". The espresso foam on the lip clearly shows why Miranda needs Steve. She needs him to make her lighten up, and to tell her she has goddamn foam on her lip.
2. The One Way Street
This one doesn't need much explaining. Big deciding he needs to turn around. SJP in a Vivienne Westwood bridal gown, going all Elin Nordegren on Big with a bouquet instead of a golf club. Not to mention Charlotte delivers the best movie "No!" I've ever heard. You can always count on protective, neurotic Charlotte to be a total spaz in the middle of a street.
1. Brunch
I could watch these bitches have brunch and make bad puns all day. I could watch these bitches have brunch until Carrie needs an oxygen tank and Samantha is in a wheelchair because of a latent sex injury. It is just so cheesily perfect that Carrie has a brunch reception, it makes me want to die a happy woman. After marrying Big the way she should have in the first place, he invites her friends, (because he was engineered in a lab to be the world's most perfect man) and they have a low-key reception at a breakfast place. And they're all together in the city , and everything is just as sexy as it was in the very first season. (Insert Carrie column-ending pun here)
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Tasting the 815
As everyone in the world knows , this past weekend was the historic, red carpet event known as the Taste of Joliet. I'm going to get the obvious joke out of the way, and allude to the fact that if someone physically tasted Joliet, it would taste like asphalt, gun powder, and fake weed. However, this festival of sin and obesity actually tastes delicious. The Taste combines everything bored suburbanites crave like meth (who am I kidding, it's Joliet, it's everything they crave besides meth). First off, there is a dirty carnival at one end, run by Illinois' finest toothless carnies. I swear to god, last year I went to go on a ride and the man operating it had the word "Carnie" tattooed on his neck. I'm not going to even begin to address all the burning questions I have about that.
The name of the Taste is a takeoff of The Taste of Chicago, where all the awesome Chicago restaurants offer sample sizes of their food in a big festival. Joliet- style, this idea turns into a grotesque amount of fair food being offered in disgusting proportions (Joliet cuisine of choice). Nothing quite like the Taste makes a footlong corndog plus a pork chop on a stick seem like an acceptable meal. Honestly, I'm pretty sure the go- to formula is just take any form of meat-ish material and throw it on a stick. I had a sausage on Sunday that was a combination of beef, pork, and lamb all in one. Now that your opinion of me has been reduced to a bored tween eating greasy peasant food, you can understand why this is the event of my summer.
.jpg)
I' m going to make the other obvious joke here and say that this is the one time a year where if it's fun it's NOT in downtown Joliet (My college friends have yet to grasp a single one of these stellar jokes). The Taste of Joliet is a time for everyone to come together, and for parents to get hammered. The music choices for this high class event always include some form of classic rock and country. Basically anything middle aged, overweight people can drunkenly sway to until they pass out on a pile of their old Bud Light Lime bottles. I learned my excellent partying skills from my mom and her girlfriends every year at the Taste. Nothing emotionally scars a preteen like watching a group of 40- year- old women grind on each other , and then call you a "buzz- killing bitch" when you tell them it's time to leave. Actually, it might have been more scarring to watch my own mother try to lick Rick Springfield when he crowd surfed a few years back.
The beautiful part of this event is that, in classic suburban fashion, everywhere you turn there is someone you know and a new innocent face to embarrass yourself in front of. Whether its the small girl you used to babysit, your best friend's super religious parents, or your old high school dean, they're going to see you drinking a margarita out of a pouch and falling over on top of your equally sloppy friends. This , as hilarious as it is, is a recipe for Joliet disaster. I have witnessed infidelity, vomiting, and drunken fist fights, all from "adults" over 40. Or you could play it like me, (after an intense pre- game) and walk up to the beer tent with your guy friend and try to use your East Coast fake IDs with an elaborate back story about you both being Pennsylvania Josh Turner groupies, and then realize you handed them to your friend's grandma.
I guess the true beauty of the Taste of Joliet is that it brings the 815 together. Whether you're an awkward teen waiting to molest some random Disney Channel star they bring, one of Joliet's finest gang members, a new mom who finally got a babysitter and wants to get weird, a police man doing nothing to control anyone on a Segway, a high schooler who didn't pre -game enough, or a college kid who pre-gamed like Burnett's was going out of style, you're going to be at the Taste and you're probably going to be eating meat on a stick.
The name of the Taste is a takeoff of The Taste of Chicago, where all the awesome Chicago restaurants offer sample sizes of their food in a big festival. Joliet- style, this idea turns into a grotesque amount of fair food being offered in disgusting proportions (Joliet cuisine of choice). Nothing quite like the Taste makes a footlong corndog plus a pork chop on a stick seem like an acceptable meal. Honestly, I'm pretty sure the go- to formula is just take any form of meat-ish material and throw it on a stick. I had a sausage on Sunday that was a combination of beef, pork, and lamb all in one. Now that your opinion of me has been reduced to a bored tween eating greasy peasant food, you can understand why this is the event of my summer.
.jpg)
^ A daytime shot of the Taste, everything gets hotter (and meatier) when the sun goes down
I' m going to make the other obvious joke here and say that this is the one time a year where if it's fun it's NOT in downtown Joliet (My college friends have yet to grasp a single one of these stellar jokes). The Taste of Joliet is a time for everyone to come together, and for parents to get hammered. The music choices for this high class event always include some form of classic rock and country. Basically anything middle aged, overweight people can drunkenly sway to until they pass out on a pile of their old Bud Light Lime bottles. I learned my excellent partying skills from my mom and her girlfriends every year at the Taste. Nothing emotionally scars a preteen like watching a group of 40- year- old women grind on each other , and then call you a "buzz- killing bitch" when you tell them it's time to leave. Actually, it might have been more scarring to watch my own mother try to lick Rick Springfield when he crowd surfed a few years back.
The beautiful part of this event is that, in classic suburban fashion, everywhere you turn there is someone you know and a new innocent face to embarrass yourself in front of. Whether its the small girl you used to babysit, your best friend's super religious parents, or your old high school dean, they're going to see you drinking a margarita out of a pouch and falling over on top of your equally sloppy friends. This , as hilarious as it is, is a recipe for Joliet disaster. I have witnessed infidelity, vomiting, and drunken fist fights, all from "adults" over 40. Or you could play it like me, (after an intense pre- game) and walk up to the beer tent with your guy friend and try to use your East Coast fake IDs with an elaborate back story about you both being Pennsylvania Josh Turner groupies, and then realize you handed them to your friend's grandma.
I guess the true beauty of the Taste of Joliet is that it brings the 815 together. Whether you're an awkward teen waiting to molest some random Disney Channel star they bring, one of Joliet's finest gang members, a new mom who finally got a babysitter and wants to get weird, a police man doing nothing to control anyone on a Segway, a high schooler who didn't pre -game enough, or a college kid who pre-gamed like Burnett's was going out of style, you're going to be at the Taste and you're probably going to be eating meat on a stick.
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