9. I never answer my phone, and I never return calls. I wait for my voice mailbox to fill up, and then delete them all.
8. I spent over three hours watching old episodes of New Girl yesterday, and then spent another 30 minutes analyzing Nick and Jess's palpable sexual tension.
7. I answer emails approximately 48 hours after I receive them. And I always include the emoticon of the crab in my response. I then type "crabz on crabz".
6. I honestly believe that if we just sent Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff to the Middle East this whole mess would get sorted out in about a month. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is my idea of foreign policy.
5. Somewhere in this world, my very incriminating 6th grade AIM profile probably still exists. My screen name was ETph0neh0mex3 and my away message was something along the lines of "peace out boy scout =]". There were also some pretty solid Breakfast Club quotes in my AIM profile, along with all my best friends initials. It looked roughly like what you see below.
tHe sExY sEvEn
a.a. c.d. e.t. k.t. l.b. g.b. s.o.
4. I spend the majority of my class time stalking Kendall Jenner's Instagram, vowing to never eat again, and then looking for all Kendall Jenner's bracelets on the Bloomingdales website.
3. I basically operate on the Uberman sleep schedule, which Kramer tried out in an excellent episode of Seinfeld.
2. I email my internship applications to important people, and continually forget to attach my cover letter. Or I attach the wrong cover letter with another publication's name in it, and just look like a job-mongering whore.
1. I figured out how to make a Google doc two weeks ago. TWO WEEKS AGO.
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