I know I sound like little oprhan Annie over here, but this time it's for real. My sun will come out tomorrow and it's gonna be awesome. Here's why:
Reasons Why Winter Quarter 2013 Was Not My Quarter
- I am taking Journalism 301, and it has destroyed the meager bits of soul I had left after the Journalism 201 series. I have to wake up every Monday and Wednesday at an ungodly hour to get on the L by 9 a.m. That's right, I have to take the mode of transportation normally reserved for hobos and people attempting suicide. I spend the majority of my week on the Howard L platform fighting back bitter tears and dreaming of a breakfast I just didn't have time for. If I could just sit down on the Red Line one day and have it not smell like urine, that would be fantastic. Also, I would really love if the train I got on was mildly operational/ didn't sit at the Davis stop for 15 minutes because of "signal clearnace" or "attempted suicide".
But I digress, Journalism 301 is a special kind of torture in January through March. I am forced to trudge around Rogers Park harassing innocent citizens in below 0 temperatures. If this class doesn't make me lose all faith in humanity, I still might lose all my fingers to frostbite. Not to mention we are only supposed to be covering/ interviewing the immigrant population of Rogers Park.
Two fun facts about the immigrant population of Rogers Park:
1) Many of them do not speak any form of American/ British English. Making interviews on my tiny inoperable Kodak camera (which everyone thinks is a 2006 flip phone) very strenuous.
2) Some of these immigrants are undocumented, meaning they do NOT want your low-quality cell phone camera in their face because they think you are going to deport them.
Actual quote from a 301 interview:
Man: " I have a green card, I have it. You just don't need to see it. I'm legal".
Sir, I have an Evanston Athletic Club membership card, and you don't need to see it because I literally never use it. Just don't kidnap me, speak into this 1980s style audio recorder, and help me get the mediocre grade I deserve.
- 30 Rock just ended and I am not in a good place. This show-within-a -show has been the highlight of my week for the past 7 years, and it is also my best source material for witty tweets. Liz Lemon taught me it's okay to transition your pajamas into day wear, and that it's cool for girls to like Star Wars. It's okay to like yourself more than any dude, and you really should live every week like it's Shark Week.
-The only person who has agreed to go out with me on Valentine's Day is Adam, the back bartender at The Deuce. This artfully symbolizes my recent downward spiral in all aspects of life.
-I am desperately searching for a journalism internship somewhere in the continental U.S. I'm sure employers pick up my cover letters, and immediately drop them because they actually reek of desperation. Between the weak jokes about my social life, and the sentence that says "I will work at literally any publication you are willing to offer me.", they probably think I am a mentally unstable magazine hoarder with six dirty Shih- Tzus named after "Game of Thrones" characters.
Reasons Spring Quarter 2013 Is Going to Be My Quarter
- I am going to take the easiest schedule known to man. I'm talking Theatre for Non-Majors, some hippie Sociology, some comm class about Harry Potter, and a sex class that will probably make me uncomfortable. I will also be done with Spanish next quarter, so no more class on Fridays. That means I will no longer have to recite the conjugations of "ser" while holding back vomit and regretting the decisions of last night.
- I feel like my new favorite show, "The Following" will really hit a stride in the spring. If not, there will at least be another ice pick murder. If there is not another ice pick stabbing, Kevin Bacon will still be there. My happiness is in direct correlation with the amount of Kevin Bacon I view per week.
- The actor who played Cato in the first "Hunger Games" film will transfer from USC, fall madly in love with me due to my rapier wit, and enter into my ideal relationship. This means we only talk via Facebook chat, he never meets my family, but he only makes out with me in social settings. He also sees movies with me whenever it's convenient, and lets me use his apartment (and cable) for my annual unnecessarily elaborate Oscars party. We also go to Chipotle alot.
-I am going to land an amazing marketing internship at Lucasfilm in California. I will wow my fellow interns and employers alike, and eventually be granted the honor of meeting Mr. Lucas himself. He will be amused with my quirky charm, and then take me under his wing. We will then enter into a mentor/mentee relationship (think Lemon/Donaghy), and he will name me his successor. Stars Wars Episodes VII- IX will be written, directed, and produced by me. I'm not ruling out a tasteful cameo, but I'm also not making any promises.
- Finally, spring quarter means Derby. It is time for the best weekend of the year, when my frenemies and I road trip to the cultural wasteland of Kentucky for the most pointless 2 minutes in sports. We travel over seven hours, and odds are most of us will not even see a physical horse. But it's all about the experience. It's about looking the Angel of Death in face at a truck stop Popeyes. It's dancing until you pass out on a pile of ice bags, or until someone drags you under a make-shift tent. It's about listening to only Cinema, random dubstep, Beautiful Soul, and more random dubstep for upwards of 7 hours. It's mostly about #bus2updates. And according to the website, it's 87 days, 2 hours, and 46 minutes away.
^I have negative idea who these people are.
